It’s the second-to-last day of the year, and the last week has passed in a weird liminal sludgy haze. Technically I’ve been off work since the 20th, but I’ve been dipping in and out of work here and there. Not really working, not completely relaxing, as the days tip towards 2024. I don’t know why I always think the end of the year is going to be a restorative time, when it’s really more like getting to a normal baseline after a couple of busy months at work and the exhausting holiday rush.
I’ve received so many emails with year-end and best-of lists, and I know if I were still spending more time on instagram there would probably be a slough of 2023 accomplishments, ins and outs for 2023/2024, and lists of all the media people consumed.
I will admit, I am not immune to this! I diligently track books in Goodreads and movies in Letterboxd, but it’s really just about remembering what I’ve read and watched and when.1
It’s been a few years since I’ve set a quantitative reading goal for myself, because the last time I did (2020 what’s up) it left me feeling unnourished somehow.2 Autumn reading during the years with a set number goal left me with a chased feeling, watching the time run out against this completely arbitrary goal I had set.
Something that comes up in my work is how tracking data is only useful if you make it actionable, which is why the Goodreads volume frenzy is so weird to me.
What does the number of books you read actually tell you about your experiences reading in any given year? How does it orient your reading towards getting to the last page? How does it orient your reading towards assigning a value or virtue to what you’ve accomplished at the end of the year? In my case, how does it orient your reading away from joy?
Because that’s the main thing, for me. A reading goal makes something that I do for fun, for enjoyment, just another thing with an aftertaste of productivity, and a high chance of failure.
I read for entertainment, to learn, but most of all I read to find emotional truths that resonate with my experiences and to feel connected to other people. There’s no number goal that guarantees that I have x number of emotionally sublime moments while reading y books.3
Towards more qualitative goals
Along these lines, I’ve started to think more broadly about what I want from 2024. One of the things that I’ve gleaned from powerlifting in the last two years is that qualitative, habit-setting goals — i.e. I’m going to lift 3x per week — are often more transformative than quantitative, results goals — i.e. I’m going to lift until I can do a 200 lb deadlift.4 These are the goals that shift behaviors and attention, so you can focus on loving the process rather than rushing towards an outcome.
It can be hard for me to think that way, especially because in my work (non-profit fundraising) the number at the end of the fiscal year feels like everything. But for the rest of my life, Real Life, I think I’m better off thinking qualitatively.
So some things in 2024 that I want to focus on:
improv quilting — I want to experiment more and feel ok with the messiness of process
time outside — Tim and I have been going on more weekend birdwatching/nature walks despite the cold and it makes me feel more human
meaningful community — I want to continue to build friendships and community with others who are similarly covid-cautious/covid-conscious
time with dear ones — I want to continue to spend time with my friends and family, especially those who don’t live here in Boston. Real life visits but also just random phone calls and catch ups
And some practical things:
I want to work on my website (in process! as of this week!)
I want to do SOME sort of fundraising chronic illness quilt
I want to keep writing here somewhat reliably
What I loved in 2023
ALL that said, I still think tracking some things is useful, as a memory aid more than anything else, and because it’s really nice to reflect on the things that really stuck with you!
Here are some of the things I loved this year:
Books
All My Puny Sorrows, by Miriam Toews
Lincoln in the Bardo, by George Saunders
Trespasses, by Louise Kennedy
Piranesi, by Susanna Clarke
How High We Go in the Dark, by Sequoia Nagamatsu
The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, by Becky Chambers
The Master Butchers Singing Club, by Louise Erdrich
The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness, by Meghan O’Rourke
Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy
Demon Copperhead, by Barbara Kingsolver
White Cat, Black Dog, by the GOAT Kelly Link
Movies
(To my earlier point, most of the movies I loved were re-watches!)
Fire of Love
Interstellar
Past Lives
Ema
Stop Making Sense
Phantom Thread
Writing on covid
Ed Yong on long covid in The Atlantic
Julia Doubleday last week — “How the press manufactured consent for never-ending covid reinfections”
Madeline Miller on Long Covid in WaPo
The Sick Times, a new publication focused on long covid (include them in your year-end donations!!)
Sending a little prayer out into to the universe that 2024 brings better tests, better vaccines, better treatments, and better solidarity from the people who have long moved on from covid bc they think that long covid is something that happens to other people.
What I’ve been making
For Tim’s birthday which was in JULY I promised to make him a shirt (the Fairfield Button Up from Thread Theory, to be exact). I made two toiles, each one a little tight in the upper chest, before finally just going for it in a chambray he picked out. It was a little tricky — flat felling sleeve seams is HARD — and the end result, even sized up, is a smidge too small in the upper chest (jacked people problems).
If I were more experienced, I would have adjusted the toiles to account for boulder shoulders. The Fairfield is cool because it’s drafted for both “average” and “larger” frames, but the “larger” sizing adds more ease around the belly area, where it already fits Tim well. I think next time I will try grading between the avgerage XXL and either the L or XL in “larger” sizing. Also writing this note for me to shorten the torso by 2.5 inches next time.
Still — pretty good!
Alright, see you in 2024, wishing everyone a healthy and peaceful new year,
xoxo
mvp
Don’t even get me started on rating things… assigning stars is also something that bleeds joy out of the process, I think, and yet I do it for movies.
I distinctly remember spending the 2018-2019 NYE finishing a book and then trying to figure out if I could count it towards my 2018 goal. What a gross sentence to write out! It did not make for an enjoyable reading experience.
I was curious, so I looked at my number anyways. This year I’ve read 41 books. A bunch of those were re-reads, which I’m not sure I would have taken up if I were reading with a goal in mind.
To be fair, eking out a 200lb deadlift in Dec felt like a triumph for me; the last time I was able to do that was before long covid. But that also feels WEIRD because of how we’re obsessed with recovery narratives.
Catching up! I was behind and am catching up. I 100% agree and wish to focus on the same items as you for 2024. Tim’s shirt looks outstanding! Thank you for sharing the gift of your writing!